Bachelor Recap: Season 22 Episode 4

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Welcome to the first ever Good Better Best Bachelor recap. While this is the first time I have done a Bachelor recap on GBB, I am not new to The Bachelor. I have watched every season of The Bachelor and Bachelorette since it started. Every. Single. One. Since this season is a Good one and I actually don’t detest the lead, I decided to give a Bachelor recap a whirl.

We open with a humming bird and all I can think is would Annaliese have been scared of humming birds had she stayed? Would we have been treated to of her stories about how a humming bird traumatized her as a child and then the producers would have done a fantastic, frightening reenactment of her humming bird torment? Ah Annaliese…gone too soon.

At the ladies mansion, Bekah is practicing for swim team in the pool while the ladies talk about how young she is. Chris Harrison appears and tells the ladies they area about to hit the road…to South Lake Tahoe. I am sure Lake Tahoe is nice but they are acting four year olds that have been told they are going to Disney for their birthday with all of the screaming and cheering. It’s a Lake Tahoe time share not the Ritz, calm down.

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They get to Lake Tahoe and talk about how they are looking forward to experiencing ”new things”… at a Hard Rock Cafe. They all toast to “where ever love may take us” and all I can think is how about to the Crate and Barrel Outlet to get proper glassware to drink sparkling wine? They are drinking that champagne out of wine glasses. Major production intern fail here.

The date card arrives and Sienne get first one on one date. Caroline is jealous that she didn’t get a one on one date and she chugs a mudslide. Krystal says she hopes Sienne goes home—she is truly a horrific person.

One on One Date #1

The other ladies at the time share are playing eye spy and watching Arie and Sienne through binoculars on their para sail date. The intern found some proper glassware for the sparkling after the para sail date. Get that intern over the ladies’ time share and stock that place. Ari put on a cardigan after the date. Sienne also brought a cardigan for the journey.

Sienne tells Arie doesn’t know how to wink and that he needs to teach her how to do that. Yawn. Arie says he dated people who weren’t ready for marriage on purpose…like Courtney from Ben’s season (I added that part in!). Arie likes her….she gets the rose after she tells him that she has not seen many love stories growing up with girls who look like her. Cue the country band LANCO and crowd of people to gawk at them dancing to “Greatest Love Story”. His Dad dancing is just painful. His dancing was more like twirling and running in place. Bless his heart. Mamas beware, this is what happens when you lose the invite for your son to attend Cotillion. All I can say is Arie just failed this Dancing with the Stars audition!

Back at the time share, Maquel gets a call home. Grandpa passed away unexpectedly….did Krystal  have something to do with this? Does she gave an alibi? Did she spike Grandpa’s prune juice with cyanide? Maquel packs her clothes…and dead rose ceremony roses and heads home.

Group Date

Group date time, which means Bekah gets the one on one date. Krystal not happy “Arie wants a woman not a girl”. True Krystal, but I also don’t think he wants a psychopath.

Krystal says she knows what Arie has to offer and she is secure….right. They go hiking which with this group is looking more like walking. This is the kind of date where Kendall shines…according to Kendall. They meet a couple who is going to teach them survival skills. They are going to make the ladies pee in a bottle….Lauren B says you can’t make her, I agree. Arie pretends to drink his own pee…Jenna says she would drink her own pee for Arie. No, just no, not even for Channing Tatum, I mean Running Daddy. Krystal says the other ladies are acting deseparate….project much?

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Just then the production intern turns the snow machine on and Kendall gets pulled aside for a kiss. Next, they need to navigate through the forest as a team. With the exception of Arie’s team they all get lost, with the camera crew. Mean Mom from Maine, is being mean about Marikh (Kim Kardashian).

Arie’s group of the ladies get to the oasis which is a hot tub. This hot tub scene uncomfortable, Krystal sees the desperation…in others. Everyone gets dressed and they head to Edgewood Tahoe. Which is basically a hotel lobby. Krystal is wearing basically an old bath mat but according her, her her relationship with Arie is perfect.

Arie and his cardigan steal Lauren B away. Arie tells Lauren he is looking for someone with a flexible schedule…what? He then steals Kendall away, in addition to taxidermy she liked eating the bugs during the survival part of the date…#dreamgirl. She tells Arie she brought a stuffed duckling named Ping with her…like a dead duck. She wants Arie to meet him…again a dead duck. She makes a woman with nine cats look normal.

Krystal tells ladies she felt challenged being in a large group date. Krystal thinks the other ladies are being over bearing and obnoxious to be seen. Girl please. Mean Mom from Maine makes fun of Krystal and she is spot on.  Everyone hates Krystal.

Krystal and Arie have alone time, and Krystal tells Arie she feels like she is a target and he looks so uncomfortable. Krystal says it weighs on her and she feels ostracized. Listen, never, ever, ever share the girl drama. Krystal is crying, says people are judging her….blah blah blah. At this point she is making the Mean Mom from Maine look like the voice of reason.

After she is done with her woe is me time with Arie, Krystal wants to talk to Tia and Caroline. Krystal is really hurt that the other two were goofing around in the hot tub. Tia is telling Krystal to not play the victim, Krystal is so hurt. Boo hoo.

Tia goes to talk to Arie and tells him she is annoyed right now. Again---don’t talk to him about the girl drama. Oh no, Tia is crying too…girl don’t. They kiss…because that’s what Arie does when he doesn’t know what to say. Tia says Arie is a “good dude”. Tia gets the group date rose and Krystal is totally fine with it, just kidding.

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Next morning, Mean Mom from Maine and Krystal are talking about the group date and Bekah's date today. Krystal is misunderstood…according to Krystal. For her horse back riding date, Bekah is wearing one of Kendall’s taxidermy skins and runs and jumps on Arie toddler style. He says she is deeper than other women he has dates in the past…no kidding…again see Courtney from Ben’s season. Arie and Bekah have a barrel hot tub date. The intern was able to find the right glassware for the hot tub. They actually have some real chemistry.

Dinner date with Bekah and her faux fur. Did she pack those? Did the intern get these? Inquiring minds want to know. When she takes off the faux fur Bekah has on a really bad mock turtleneck belly shirt.

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Arie thinks there is a lot there. Arie wants to know if Bekah is ready. Bekah says she has never been there at the right time with right person…because it is usually not the right time to meet in middle school. Arie enjoys waking up with the sun and a cardigan, and wonders if Bekah is ready. Bekah asks if Arie knows how old she is….22. "Oh my God" is Arie’s answer. Cue the scary music. He is concerned about how young she is…she keeps telling him everyone in her family got married young. Eeks, this is feeling more desperate than Krystal. Arie says he is not here for a 22 yr old girlfriend he is here for a wife. He is thinking that Bekah needs a few more laps around the track, check out a few pit crew teams and win some more races, while Arie and his cardigans are ready for an Oldsmobile. He gives her the rose any way. He says he is proceeding with caution…just what every girl wants to hear!

Rose Ceremony Time

Rose ceremony prep includes leg shaving, eyeliner and contouring. Bekah has on her big faux fur again, maybe she thinks that makes her look older. Krystal is giving a speech to the other ladies and they hate her. Chris Harrison shows up and says there is no cocktail party—right to rose ceremony. Cue scary music.

Arie’s suit, shirt, tie combo is horrific. I thought they gave these guys a stylist. Caroline you are so gorgeous but you can’t do a choker style dress w necklace…one or the other Girl.
Krystal wants to steal Arie away just as the rose ceremony starts. These ladies hate her. Lots of talk about how disrespectful she is. Krystal says is not here to play games. Blah blah blah. More tears. She is so much work.

Roses go to: Lauren, Kendall (taxidermy for the win), Ashley  (who?), Beca K, Chelsea aka Mean Mom from Maine, Jenna, Jacqueline (who?), Marikh, and finally Krystal. Caroline and Brittany T. go home, Caroline leaves, shoes in hand, choker dress with a necklace. Krystal says that she needs to make sure that it is just her and Arie at the end of this as the camera closes in on her creepy smile.

Next week, the production team cashes in more of their time share points as they head to Ft. Lauderdale. I always hate the seasons after one of the $2 million weddings, or in this case after they had to pay the Bachelor in Paradise legal bills last summer, as the trips and dates are usually a little lower budget after those events.

At the end of the episode—we learn about glam shaming…which Mean Mom from Maine would never do because she is a former model and for the record she is “pro glam.” Glad we cleared that up.

That’s my first Bachelor recap post. What did you think? Do you want more of this? Please leave your thoughts in the comments.

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