Bachelor Recap: Season 22 Episode 5 aka Done...with Glitter

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Here we are in Ft. Lauderdale...because Miami wasn't in the budget. They are staying at the W Ft. Lauderdale in the Penthouse Suite. Chelsea aka Mean Mom from Maine gets the one on one date. Did you know she is a Mom? They go on a yacht for "uninterrupted Arie time." Not sure if that is champagne or beer in that champagne flute. Maquel is back from her Grandpa's funeral and we saw way more of Ashley (?) in her bikini top that I would have liked to. According to Mean Mom from Maine she "is on a dream boat...with a dream boat" Gag. More spying by the other ladies through a telescope while Mean Mom from Maine and Arie go jet skiing.

Evening date with Mean Mom from Maine is in a Car Museum. I am not sure if that is a real car museum or something that the Bachelor interns pulled together. They have dinner and poor Mean Mom from Maine had a bad case of the Ft. Lauderdale frizzies. Mean Mom from Maine met her son's dad when she was 20 and then he left her and put her belongings in trash bags. Ok, I am thinking Mean Mom from Maine is not so bad at this point. Mean Mom from Maine gets the rose. There's another band and Arie's dancing has not improved since last week. This time it's a little more 7th grade boy kissing in the school gym style. Again Mama's, don't lose that Cotillion invite or your boys will end up dancing like Arie when they are pushing forty.

Knock at the door and Tia gets the next one on one date. The group date is a bowling date. They are really taking this Arie's an old guy thing to new heights. What's next? Shuffle board with Metamucil shots? These ladies bowl as bad as Arie dances. Krystal says the other girls are fighting for Arie's attention and that is so not her. Girl...please. Winning bowling team gets to go to the after party, losing team gets to go back to the W hotel penthouse...wait...who wins and who loses in this scenario?  Krystal's team wins and she acts like she so loves her team. The ladies on the losing team are so not happy and chatting in the locker room. Arie not wanting to disappoint the ladies, invite the losing team as well. Krystal is all bitter butter.

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Back at the hotel Krystal is all attitude. On the bus, she called Arie a liar and then tells the other ladies she is not coming to the after party now and is wearing her hotel robe. She is mad that Arie didn't talk to them about inviting the ladies. Kendall is totally calling her out. Go Taxidermy Girl!

Bekah does an awesome intimation of Krystal and is also spot on about her. Bekah tells Arie why Krystal isn't there when he asks. They let him know she called him a liar. Arie, says he is going to go up and talk to Krystal and that he doesn't want to disrespect the ladies. Arie runs up to see Krystal.

Krystal still wearing her W bathrobe hugs Arie and tells him she feels disrespected. He looks super annoyed. Krystal...blah blah blah. Arie tells her things like this make him pull back. He tells her he is not happy about this and to stay in her room. This guy hates drama. Good for him.

Arie rejoins the ladies and says that Krystal will not be joining them and now they can relax. Kendal gets some time with Arie. On on one time with Bekah M too and they kiss but he still thinks she is really young. Becca K (the non teen age Becca) gets invited to Arie's room. He likes her...a lot.

Krystal thinks that Arie is invested in their relationship while she puts on make up. Bekah continues to make fun on Krystal and then leads a group prayer for Krystal. And out of her bath robe, here pops Krystal. Krystal tells he ladies her feelings were hurt. Bekah drinks a martini out of a champagne glass. Lauren B is having none of this and Bekah calls Krystal out.

Lauren B gets alone time and plays 21 questions...which I think is different than 20 questions. The questions include...egg preparation and favorite colors. Lauren B is worried that she will fall for Arie and then he will fall for someone else (like Krystal---I added that part in). They kiss too.

Wait is Krystal still there...or did she leave? Lauren B get the rose and Becca K has the sad eyes. Krystal is back in her her robe.

Tia gets an Everglades dates in an air boat. They see a gator and all I can think is what would Annalise do (WWAD?)? Surely some childhood gator trauma in that book. They stop at a cabin that this guy built and I am not going to looks like a before photo on "Flip or Flop." Arie seems to like her and she is pretty great. On the nighttime portion of the date Tia informs us she was in college for 7 years...but she is a doctor of physical therapy. Arie tells her that there are a lot of elderly patients in Scottsdale...most of them are his friends (I added that part in). Arie has trouble with higher powers because he has lost a lot of friends racing but Tia is pretty religious and seems to pick the wrong guys. She tells Arie she is falling in love with him...shhh don't tell Krystal or Tia is a goner. Tia gets the rose. If Tia isn't the final pick, my hunch she is the front runner for Bachelorette. He really really likes her.

Rose Ceremony time. Bekah's outfit is beyond bad, I think she forget her shirt. Apparently Krystal has been hiding in her room or "investing in herself" as she says. Krystal says this week was challenging for Arie and her. Girl I hate to break it to you, Arie seemed to be doing just fine this week...just ask Tia. Kendall has more questions for Arie in her question book. Kendall tells Arie that she would try Arie run.

Oops, Krystal hears the ladies talking about her. Cue meltdown in 3 ...2...1. So much girl drama with Kendal and Krystal and then Tia pops in. Now Bekah comes over and asks Krystal why she is still there. Cue the scary music. Bekah calls her out and is really on point for a teenager. Bekah and her leather skirt are done. Krystal feels attacked...we know.  She is done, "done with glitter." I might steal that expression, I am not going to lie to you.

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Krystal thinks that once she talks to Arie everything will be ok. There is baby talk but Arie looks way uncomfortable and tells her think through her reactions. She is on thin ice ice baby. She tells Arie she grew up in a bowling ok. She tells Arie this is their first fight...his reaction is that this could be their last fight.  Snap. He is totally annoyed. Krystal said he was cold. This girl's days are numbered.

Rose ceremony time. Three women will go home. Roses go to: Bekak M, Sienne, Kendall (taxidermy and cannibalism for the win), Becca K, Jacqueline, Jenna, and Krystal. Good grief...Bekah is beyond annoyed.

Maquel, Ashley and the Kardashian go home. The Kardashian is really sad.

Krystal is smelling her rose and talking about how proud she is of herself. Cue Fatal Attraction.

Next stop Paris and Mean Mom from Maine is mean again.

Until next Monday.  This is a really Good season!

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